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Swojego koleg� pozna�em na studiach, jeste�my w jednej grupie na studiach magisterskich. Na pocz�tku byli�my tylko na cze��. Dodam, �e wcze�niej nie mia�em kontakt�w z innym m�czyzn�. Wszystko zacz�o si� podczas przypadkowego wyjazdu do jego znajomych. Spali�my razem w jednym ��ku, on si� nie�le upi� i udawa�, �e si� ze mn� kocha. Pomy�la�em sobie, �e ziomek si� upi� i mu troch� odwala, no ale spoko. Dodam jeszcze, �e on ma dziewczyn� od kilku lat. Kilka dni p�niej w moim domu mia�a miejsce impreza, on by� strasznie pijany, zacz�� mnie dotyka� i rzuca� r�ne dziwne teksty.

Kilka dni p�niej spotyka�em si� ze swoj� znajom�, on si� o tym dowiedzia� i m�wi�, �e za mn� p�jdzie i nie b�dziemy sami. Uda�o mi si� jako� p�j��, ale on dzwoni� do mnie kilka razy i musia�em wy��czy� telefon. Rano napisa� mi, �e si� upi� i o mnie my�la�. W sumie my�la�em ca�y czas, �e on si� ze mnie nabija i mnie wkr�ca. Potem zacz�o si� wsp�lne gotowanie obiad�w. Codziennie do mnie przychodzi� i siedzia� po 12 godzin. Jak sobie poszed� to i tak dzwoni�, albo pisa� i planowa� nast�pny dzie� razem. Interesowa�o go wszystko co mia�o ze mn� co� wsp�lnego, z kim pisz�, kto do mnie dzwoni. Normalni koledzy jak sobie siedz� to zachowuj� od siebie bezpieczn� odleg�o��. Dla niego co� takiego nie istnia�o, najlepiej jak dotyka� mnie stop�, albo obciera� r�k�. Og�lnie jego mowa cia�a m�wi�a, �e co� do mnie czuje, cz�sto musia� mnie dotkn�� albo co� w tym stylu. Zacz�� zabiera� mnie na pizz� w miejsca, w kt�re ch�opak zabra�by dziewczyn� na randk�.

Zaprosi� mnie do siebie na walentynki pod pretekstem, �e jego dziewczyna i tak jest w pracy, wi�c nie ma co robi�. Zapyta� si� mnie czy go kocham. Odpowiedzia�em mu, �e nie. Jak ogl�dali�my sobie film z�apa� mnie za r�k�, ale szybko pu�ci�. Swojej dziewczynie kupi� kwiaty przez koleg�. Og�lnie nie widzia�em nigdy �eby ja poca�owa� w usta czy co� w tym stylu.


W jego urodziny strasznie si� upi�, poca�owa� mnie, zacz�� dotyka� i powiedzia�, �e mnie kocha i wola�by by� ze mn� czy co� takiego. Potem stwierdzi�, �e nocuje u mnie. Oczywi�cie spali�my w jednym ��ku. Nie nocowa� u siebie z dziewczyn� tylko u mnie. Do niczego wtedy nie dosz�o, ale spali�my praktycznie na sobie. Powiedzia� mi, �e lubi jak u niego jestem i tak po protu sobie siedzimy. Odprowadza� mnie do domu, czasami nawet odwozi� samochodem, podczas gdy po dziewczyn� nie chcia�o mu si� nawet wyj��.

Og�lnie jak szed�em sobie od niego do innych znajomych to troch� wariowa�. W moje urodziny poszed�em do swoich znajomych, kt�rzy zabrali mnie na wypad do innego miasta, a on pod moj� nieobecno��, pijany.. przyszed� do mnie z prezentem jak zobaczy�, �e mnie nie ma zabra� mi telefon, kt�ry le�a� na biurku. Powinienem by� za�enowany ca�� t� sytuacj�, ale zda�em sobie spraw�, �e co� do niego czuj�.
Zacz��em odwzajemnia� jego uczucia.

My�la�em, �e wszystko jako� si� u�o�y, ale niestety troch� mu odbi�o. Zablokowa� m�j numer telefonu i nie mog�em si� z nim skontaktowa�. Potem mnie odblokowa� jak gdyby nigdy nic. W og�le zauwa�y�em, �e on inaczej zachowuje si� przy mnie a zupe�nie inaczej przy ludziach z grupy i jeszcze inaczej przy swoich znajomych. Jest wredny. �mieje si� ze swojego wydawa�oby mi si� najlepszego kumpla, �e ten leci do swoje dziewczyny jak ta tylko si� odezwie. W og�le jego towarzystwo wydaje si� by� strasznie sztuczne, jak na moje oko mi�dzy tymi lud�mi nie ma �adnej wi�zi, tylko �eby si� z kogo� po�mia�. Ma co� w stylu, �e jak si� z nim kto� umawia i ma dla niego nieograniczone zasoby czasu to jest dobrze, ale jak odm�wi mu si� kilka razy uzasadniaj�c to strzela cichego focha i si� nie odzywa. Bywa strasznym chamem i zawsze za wszelk� cen� chce postawi� na swoim. Nie potrafi si� przyzna� do b��du. Kiedy� jak si� ze mn� um�wi� u niego potem gdy by�em na miejscu okaza�o si�, �e go nie ma w mieszkaniu. Argumentowa� to tym, �e musia� wyj��, ale �ebym wpad�.

Chcia�em mu powiedzie�, �e go kocham, ale po tym jak zobaczy�em jak si� zachowuje wzgl�dem innych, mnie, jak mnie olewa�... zacz��em we wszystko w�tpi�. Pomy�la�em sobie "czy ja to wszystko sobie wymy�li�em? mo�e on ca�y czas sobie �artowa�?". Taka sytuacja w kotka i myszk� trwa od d�u�szego czasu. Jak u mnie kto� jest ze starych znajomych kilka dni to wydzwania codziennie i chce si� spotyka�, a jak wie, �e jestem sam to nawet si� nie odezwie. Czasami wydaje mi si�, �e ma jak�� obsesj�, nie wiem.

Obecnie mam ju� dosy� tej sytuacji. On jest nieprzewidywalny, potrafi si� nie odzywa� i mnie olewa� po czym zadzwoni� jak gdyby nigdy nic i zaproponowa� co� wsp�lnego do roboty. Chc� co� z tym zrobi�, bo nie mo�e by� tak d�u�ej. Nie wiem czy mam mu powiedzie� co do niego czuj� i zapyta� si� go czy on r�wnie� co� do mnie czu�, czy ola� go bez s�owa i zerwa� kontakt. Og�lnie jak pozna�em jego drug� stron� to szczerze nie ufam mu na tyle, aby powiedzie� mu, �e go kocham, a z drugiej strony wiem, �e potrzebuj� tej rozmowy, aby zamkn�� rozdzia�. Przepraszam, �e pisz� tak chaotycznie, ale ci�ko mi by�o stre�ci� kilka miesi�cy mojego �ycia, ca�y czas przypomina�y mi si� jakie� w�tki. Pozdrawiam :-)


Edytowane przez beautifuldisaster dnia 13-05-2015 21:57
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